The Successful Living Checklist

Artsy type photography internship in the bay: check

Job that pays money: not yet

House that doesn't, for whatever reason, reek of cat/former tenants' urine: still M.I.A. (Plenty of the urine-soaked kind are available-- check craigslist now! Specify "ground floor/basement," "student friendly" and "no credit--no problem!" in your search).

Overpriced loafers with dogs heads embroidered on them: check check check! The absence of these babies is probably the root of that gnawing inadequacy I'd been feeling, and once I get my hands on some handmade black lab slippers with dogbone print fillagree, the job and apartment will just fall into place without even having to try.

What Color Is My Parachute and So On?

So I'm trying to move to San Francisco, right? This is a task more easily accomplished with a bay-area job to foot the rent. I keep foolishly checking craigslist and other "legitimate" job boards for jobs for which I might be qualified--- photography, artsy stuff, etc. But meanwhile, an often overlooked faction of the crafting community is becoming profitable: the Cat Humiliation Industry! Julia, it's time to re-assess your career goals. It's a proven fact that pet-owners will pounce on any opportunity to belittle their furry friends. Starting tomorrow, I'm sweeping the charred remains of my carefully crafted resumes and cover letters into the wastepaper basket (burning them first in a highly symbolic ceremony... all invited...butter-based snacks and popov vodka will be served, respectful silence requested and business casual dress, 10:00AM-11:00AM) and picking up the polyfibers necessary to make my own kitty wigs!

Really, I think wigs could look good on cats, and that's important. What's more, I think wigs could embarrass cats, and therein lies the profitability.

Copycat!

I saw a picture on a New York fashion blog of a guy trying to copy Jamie's style. I tried to do it, too, but then I got sick and crazy.

Finding Our Dream Apartment, pt. 1

I just graduated from college, and it only took 5 to 7 years. Congratulations, me! Now Rachel and I can begin our tireless search for a reasonably priced apartment in San Francisco. With any luck, we'll find our dream apartment: two bedrooms, $1500 a month, quaint victorian era detailing, atop a taqueria or bail bonds office, cloying scent of urinal cakes-- origin untraceable. I know, I'm building castles in the air, right? I'm keeping my cursor on the craigslist pulse, just in case that palatial estate turns up.

In other news, today is my birthday. I wouldn't mind receiving this stunning, lifelike garden statuary, if you feel so inclined to purchase it. I'd like to place it in the yard in hopes that it might scare away some of those pesky real squirrels. I sure hate 'em!

Oh, Pooh! Dairy Aisle Tragedy

Thanks to finance mismanagement or something else awful, my favorite yogurt is now gone. Folks, if you never tried water buffalo yogurt, then you missed out on a flavor sensation. It had the taste and consistency of ice cream and cheese cake, but, you know, healthier. Discouraged, but ever-committed to quirkiness in the face of all obstacles, I picked up some other non-cow yogurts to eat in its stead.

Here's the verdict:
goat yogurt-- a little zippier than cow yogurt, and a whole lot runnier. Not at all comparable to water buffalo variety.
sheep yogurt-- I don't know how else to put this: it tastes like sheep. Would only eat again to impress "daredevil" types.

Overall:

J.Fredenburg Gets An ETSY: Crafting Elite Receives Giant Slap in the Face

Originally, I started this blog to catalogue my baby steps into the world of crafts-- a world dominated by new, young mothers wearing Camper shoes and fixing tofu scrambles in their secret nucleus of Portland, Oregon. They're looking for a way to fill the hours until their husbands get home. They're turning to crafts, because advertisements in a magazine with feminist leanings they found at the health food store seem to suggest that knitting is somehow subversive, empowering, and hip. They're "learning so much" from their kids, who are soon tragically dressed in miniature felted wool suits, clutching lumpy stuffed animals, and fussing with the strings of an unnecessary hat (each handmade by mom and affixed with a little embroidered tag that says so). Then they get an Etsy account.
Frankly, the craft scene leaves a lot to be desired. I've separated the wheat from the chaff as it were, deciding to eliminate all traces of children from my craft life. You know what that means-- little Mackenzie Rose has got to go. Act now and I'll throw in these creepy retouched headshots.


Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is that I got an ETSY! Buy my adorable dresses! Or at least stop by for the best use of alliteration since Beowulf!

How do you like me now, craft-blogging elite? Someone new and noticeably childless walks in your midst! (Let's all see to it that Mackenzie finds a suitable home. You're just as responsible for her as I am, at this point).

If you're unfamiliar with Etsy, I found this BlogTalkRadio interview with its vice president of communications that's quite comprehensive. I know--a talk radio show about blogs. How redundant...how dull... and yet, how strangely compelling.

List of My Accomplishments Grows Ever Longer...

Attention family, friends, and e-stalkers: I am now the photography intern at the esteemed and world-famous Scott's Valley Press Banner! My supervisor told me that I'm the best intern they've ever had. He also told me that I am the only intern they've ever had. Unprecedented!