Things have gotten pretty grim here in Kansas City, aka Romance Couplelove Wonderland For Lovers Only Paradise. The temperature has dropped so low that I have to wear wool gloves even while I do the dishes, giving me a case of "dishpan hands" so severe that I might be a medical marvel. Also, as you may have read, a recent debacle involving very ineffective composting worms has left us with a kitchen overflowing with wet garbage. Those worms are either truly lazy or truly dead. Worst of all, we have been faced with a sudden onslaught of seasonal allergies that threaten to ruin the season. Jamie and I were about to do some Holiday Stabbing (gotta keep the relationship fresh, am I right ladies?) when a sneezing fit caused him to carelessly fling the knife. "You missed the bullseye, stupid!" I cried. CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED.