Friday, February 15, 2008

Other Blogs Reminiscent of Me; Also, A Valentine TGIF Treat

Reading this blog, for me, was kind of like finding a really accurate horoscope (for those of you who care for that sort of thing). Very eerie, especially topics numbered 36, 38, 39, 44, 46, 47... well, the list goes on.

I hope you all enjoyed Valentine's Day, and experienced love in one way or another.
The outrageous eyebrows suggestive of hirsutism on that shabby ventriloquist's dummy remind me of a certain little someone.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Just A Bowl of Mush Away From Spiritual Fulfillment

For over a year now, I have been searching for oatmeal of the thickest viscosity to please my finicky, housecat-like pallette. Many experiments took place, with unsatisfactory results (might have accidentally made dog chow/low-grade explosives/brass polish/bootleg hooch/clear blue liquid gel/an improperly cited wikipedia entry). Just recently, though, I made a discovery: If I just boil a mess of granola the way I would normally cook oatmeal, then I get the desired consistency. Yum Yum! I have incorporated it into my morning routine, where it is taking the place of both a hamburger and an hour's worth of troubling New Agey rituals.

My message is simple: granola-cooked-as-oatmeal is not only a part of this complete breakfast, but might also be so satisfying to the part of you that craves spirituality (and acceptance!) that you might gain the strength to finally leave that money-sucking cult!

Namaste and Bon Appetite,

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Admitting My Halcyon Days Are Over: Creating Cool Website In Response

Big changes are in store next month for Madame J. Fredenburg (that's me!). I'll be graduating. Also, the rent on my house is going up by about a trillion dollars, so I'll be leaving my cozy little Santa Cruz nest, which, as you can recall, was the site of many wild parties. Time to wake up and smell the future! Time to bury the remains of my untamed college days.

Step 1: Quit the egg creams. I'm assuming I'll have to do this cold turkey, as I don't think the egg cream patch/gum has been approved yet in this country, or even exists.
Step 2: Acquire a more conservative pair of glasses. My current thick black frames might confuse potential employers into thinking that I'm Sir Elton John. No autographs, please!
Step 3: Cancel New Yorker subscription; replace with Wall Street Journal and Cat Fancy
Step 4: Create a "real," more professional-looking website to showcase my photography. Take steps to hide this blog from the art world. Check it out!

Blink 182 said it best: "Well I guess this is growing up!"

Have fun voting today ladies and gents! As far as I know, Hilary didn't instate my "wild tiger woman" campaign facelift idea. I predict that this will only hurt her at the polls.