With the holiday season drawing ever nearer, you're probably wondering, "What should I get Julia and Jamie for Christmas?" Well ask no more: we are only accepting His and Hers items this year. Fellow crafters, why not knits us some His and Hers sweaters? Fellow credit card holders, why not call up Lillian Vernon and get us some of those sweet monogrammed terrycloth robes? We aren't just two strangers living in an apartment together; we are a couple, dammit, and we want our robes, bath towels, mugs, keychains, ipod caddies, toothbrush holders, and shoe trees to show it!
Soon we'll have our own David-and-Victoria-Beckham-style fragrance, complete with a copycat ad campaign. The ads will gratuitously feature Jamie and myself looking underfed and sullen or on the verge of groping each other whilst wearing impeccably starched shirts and lounging on sheets with a very high thread count. The fragrance itself will have to scream "Oppulance," but also, "Sensible Budgeting," "Do It Yourself," "Home is Where The Heart Is" and "Superiority." In other words, I'm crafting this solely for the olfactory delight of one, Martha Stewart. Additionally, the fragrance needs to be distinctly Jamie/Julia. I don't know, I'm thinking notes of bergamont, sandalwood, jasmine, apple pie filling, high fructose corn syrup, Tide with bleach, and Pantene ProV. It will be offered in traditional eu de toilette and also in a gallon tub viscous format sure to be popular with society dames and those concerned about not being sticky enough.