The Successful Living Checklist

Artsy type photography internship in the bay: check

Job that pays money: not yet

House that doesn't, for whatever reason, reek of cat/former tenants' urine: still M.I.A. (Plenty of the urine-soaked kind are available-- check craigslist now! Specify "ground floor/basement," "student friendly" and "no credit--no problem!" in your search).

Overpriced loafers with dogs heads embroidered on them: check check check! The absence of these babies is probably the root of that gnawing inadequacy I'd been feeling, and once I get my hands on some handmade black lab slippers with dogbone print fillagree, the job and apartment will just fall into place without even having to try.

Admitting My Halcyon Days Are Over: Creating Cool Website In Response

Big changes are in store next month for Madame J. Fredenburg (that's me!). I'll be graduating. Also, the rent on my house is going up by about a trillion dollars, so I'll be leaving my cozy little Santa Cruz nest, which, as you can recall, was the site of many wild parties. Time to wake up and smell the future! Time to bury the remains of my untamed college days.

Step 1: Quit the egg creams. I'm assuming I'll have to do this cold turkey, as I don't think the egg cream patch/gum has been approved yet in this country, or even exists.
Step 2: Acquire a more conservative pair of glasses. My current thick black frames might confuse potential employers into thinking that I'm Sir Elton John. No autographs, please!
Step 3: Cancel New Yorker subscription; replace with Wall Street Journal and Cat Fancy
Step 4: Create a "real," more professional-looking website to showcase my photography. Take steps to hide this blog from the art world. Check it out!

Blink 182 said it best: "Well I guess this is growing up!"

Have fun voting today ladies and gents! As far as I know, Hilary didn't instate my "wild tiger woman" campaign facelift idea. I predict that this will only hurt her at the polls.